“I felt disgusted and sick and like I should have been ruder or more assertive. I have been harassed before but every time it make me angrier.”
New submission from Abigail
I was sitting at a bus stop in Gants Hill, waiting for the 123 bus, and a guy was leaning against the bus stop. He started shouting over to me ‘Are you alright?’ to which I responded with a quick ‘yes’. He then proceeded to sit next to me and keep asking if I was alright and asking me what my route home was. He then started asking exactly where I live. I decided I wouldn’t answer him and made it clear I was uncomfortable that he was sitting so near to me.
I got on the bus and sat downstairs, and immediately got a book out so I wouldn’t have to respond at all. His friend was already on the bus. They muttered to one another about me and the friend started speaking quietly to me saying he liked my dress and I was really pretty, looking me up and down. His friend got off and he started asking me where I am getting off – I decided I would just answer with ‘I don’t know’.
He apparently gave up, but then when he was getting off, he held out his hand and leant right over to try to kiss me. I drew back and firmly said no repeatedly but he leaned more. I said no more loudly – there were other people on the lower deck bit none turned around – he didn’t succeed and started off the bus, smiling, but took the time to stroke my leg before getting off.
Just before getting off, the man sitting in front proceeded to stare at my legs, which were bare but the skirt was not short, and I could see him staring as me from behind in the reflection of the glass.
I felt disgusted and sick and like I should have been ruder or more assertive. I have been harassed before but every time it make me angrier.
One Response
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I can understand you very well, you’re becoming angrier and angrier, but the good thing about it is: it makes you able to react. Once you start reacting straight away, you will have the power to also straight away end being harassed in every situation. And then the anger is not necessary so much any more, and normal life can continue, at least this is my story. I have been harassed so much in my life. And I know London a bit, and I live in Berlin, and getting older, and trying different things out, I could control almost every situation where I felt something weird was going to start. (And I am still looking very young and attractive so you would definitely consider me a target.)
I really think respectful people would have left you alone, because your reaction was clear, but this doesn’t count for those guys. So you have done nothing wrong, but disrespectful guys need more than clear hints, they are in fact attacking you. You unfortunately need to literally fight back. They need to feel that they cannot come away with their disrespectful and harassing behaviour, with their ATTACK, to make it clearer than clear.
So if I had been you, I would have reacted like someone was disturbing me, because that was what it was. It was not a normal question. “Are you alright”, when I am peacefully waiting at the bus stop without falling or crying? Hello?? I would not have answered to the “question”, but rather to the “disturbance”.
So I would have said something like: “Why wouldn’t I??” while making clear by my look that I felt irritated about him.
After that I would not have let him sit close to me in the bus in the first place but I would have insisted to sit in a distance, no matter if “someone” (who?) would find that impolite.
But lets say, he sat next to me. With the next question I would have said quite assertively “do not talk to me, I don’t know you”, or “Why are you talking to me?” with an annoyed or irritated voice, then nothing more.
If he were sitting too close to me, I would have pushed him with my elbow, literally, it helps!
Just do not answer their fake questions, do not buy the game. I wish you good luck dismanteling the fake behaviour of those grose men and reacting in an authentical way.